Mel’s 5 Second Review: Prometheus

(2012) Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce, Logan Marshall-Green, Sean Harris, Rafe Spall and Emun Elliott


Oh, Prometheus, how could you have gone so very wrong? Where to even begin? The paper thin plot? The self-administered cesarean? People dying in the dumbest way possible (apparently, future folks can only run in straight lines)? Really I could go on for ages. But I won’t. I’ve already wasted enough of my life on this poor excuse of a movie. Could have been so good, it’s a real shame. There were so many problems in the script and the action, that it was just really hard to enjoy. All in all, quite disappointing. It gets nothing more than a very mediocre 5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix if you haven’t seen it and are in the mood to see a great franchise getting shat on. Enjoy 😉

And here, instead of the real trailer, check out this Honest Trailer. It’s funny as hell, and probably better than the actual film :-p


Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dark House

Dark House
(2009) Jeffrey Combs, Meghan Ory, Diane Louise Salinger, Matt Cohen, Shelly Cole, Danso Gordon, Ryan Melander, Bevin Prince, Erin Cummings and Ian Reed Kesler


A campy, scary good time. Jeffrey Combs, even after all these years, is still awesome! The effects aren’t all that great, the acting is pretty shaky overall, but the story is interesting and, best of all, it’s got that late 80’s, early 90’s charm. Who says camp is dead?? Hehe 😀 A very fun 7.5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂



Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Rises
(2012) Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Michael Caine, Marion Cotillard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Matthew Modine, Alon Moni Aboutboul and Burn Gorman


Was quite disappointed by this, especially seeing how good The Dark Knight was. I was bored out of my skull for the first half or so of the film. The acting was excellent, as I expected with so many strong actors, but man, was it dull. The second half picked up and was more enjoyable, but I was so bored that I almost didn’t make it there at all. And aside from the boringness, I dunno, but was I the only one who thought that this story was just… too much? It just seemed so overly convoluted, even for a Batman film. But still, I’ll give it a 6.5/10 for the effort that all the actors obviously gave.

The film is currently streaming on Netflix, if you care to try it out.


Mel’s 5 Second Review: Fright Night

Fright Night
(2011) Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell, David Tennant, Imogen Poots,Toni Collette, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Dave Franco, Reid Ewing and Sandra Vergara


Everyone seems to have hated the remake of Fright Night, but I enjoyed it. No, obviously it doesn’t hold a candle to the original, but I was still entertained. Plus David Tennant and Colin Farrell on the same screen? Really, what’s not to like there? hehe. I was a bit upset by what they did to Charley’s character (making him the type of guy who would dump his best friend for a blonde piece of tail), I found it made him much less sympathetic, and made his final scene with Ed much less poignant than it should have been. But despite Colin Farrell’s sexiness, it’s really David Tennant who steals the show. His Peter Vincent was a perfect modern updating of the character. I give it a solid 7.5/10.

The film is currently streaming on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, go ahead and give it a chance. If you don’t sit there comparing every detail to the original, I’m sure you’d be pleasantly surprised.


Mel’s 5 Second Review: Iron Man

Iron Man
(2008) Robert Downey Jr, Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, Leslie Bibb, Shaun Toub, Faran Tahir, Clark Gregg, Bill Smitrovich, Jon Favreau and Paul Bettany

Iron Man

Totally awesome! While I’d never imagined Robert Downey Jr (one of my favorite actors) as a superhero before this, he did a terrific job. The story, while not what I’d expected, was great, and not cheezy like some superhero movies. I even enjoyed Gwyneth Paltrow, who I don’t usually care for. Might I add that she looks surprisingly stunning as a red head? All the acting was incredible, I was glued to my seat the entire time, even when I had to pee so bad it almost hurt. I didn’t want to miss a moment. Of course I added it to my collection. Oh, and make sure to stay for the credits. There’s an extra goody at the end! I give it a solid 9.5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!


Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Innkeepers

The Innkeepers
(2011) Sara Paxton, Pat Healy, Kelly McGinnis, George Riddle and Brenda Cooney


Nice quiet horror film. Takes it’s time getting anywhere, but the ride is fun nonetheless. The acting is much better than I’d expected for such a low-budget indie film, and that was a pleasant surprise. I was hoping that it’d be scarier than it was (my heart-rate barely changed, hehe), but it was still a pleasant watch. I give it a solid 7/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂


Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Fourth Kind

The Fourth Kind
(2009) Milla Jovovich, Will Patton, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, Corey Johnson, Enzo Cilenti, Elias Koteas, Eric Loren, Mia McKenna-Bruce, Raphaël Coleman and Charlotte Milchard


So, this is a pretty big meh. Had a few good scenes, but nothing spectacular. Also the “actual footage” thing only works when said footage is real. The “real” Dr Taylor is played by an actress named Charlotte Milchard. That kinda kills the whole credibility thing. I had heard that the film was really scary, so my expectations were pretty high when I started watching it. Needless to say, my expectations were nowhere near met. A very disappointing 5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix, if you don’t wanna take my word for it.


Mel’s 5 Second Review: Stigmata

(1999) Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne, Jonathan Pryce, Nia Long, Thomas Kopache, Rade Serbedzija, Dick Latessa, Portia de Rossi, and Enrico Colantoni


The critics hated this film, audiences were torn (it’s one of those love it or hate it types), and me? I was on the love it side, all the way. In fact, I loved it so much that I named one of my cats Frankie! hehe There isn’t anything I didn’t like about the film. The actors were great (not Daniel Day-Lewis or Meryl Streep great, but still very good), the story was interesting, the visuals were beautiful, and, to top it all off, it’s got a bitchin’ soundtrack, featuring Chumbawamba (no, not that song), Massive Attack, Björk and David Bowie, and with a score written in part by The Smashing Pumpkins’ Billy Corgan. It’s a great movie with a great message. Plus, it’s got Gabriel Byrne playing a disturbingly sexy priest. He alone would have made the movie, so the fact that it’s awesome is just plain gravy, hehe. So, obviously, it gets a big ol’ 10/10 from me.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂



Mel’s 5 Second Review: Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow
(1999) Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gambon, Jeffrey Jones, Casper van Dien, Richard Griffiths, Michael Gough, Marc Pickering, Lisa Marie, Ian McDiarmid and Christopher Walken


I absolutely adore this film. This is Burton and Depp at their very best, when the creative mojo was still mojoing, and they were still making terrific pictures together. The scenery is dark and brooding, the characters are all captivating, and Johnny Depp is, of course, absolutely gorgeous (as is his co-star Christina Ricci). I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve watched this film, but I wouldn’t even be surprised if it was in the three figures. And my enjoyment of it has never faded. If you haven’t seen this and and are looking for an atmospheric horror flick, but don’t like a lot of splatter, then I reccomend this to you very highly. It walks that tightrope line of bringing some dark humour to the film, without making it silly. Harder to do than you might think, judging the number of really effective horror comedies out there (not that this is a comedy, but anyways..). If I could give it an 11, I would, but as it is, it gets 10/10.

This film is currently on Netflix. Enjoy!



Mel’s 5 Second Review: Frailty

(2001)Bill Paxton, Matthew McConaughey, Matt O’Leary, Jeremy Sumpter, Luke Askew and Powers Boothe


I wasn’t sure what to expect when I first popped this film into the machine. I hadn’t seen a trailer and was just going by what was written on the box. I’m happy to report that it blew all of my expectations (or lack thereof) right out of the water. It was absolutely brilliant. Well written, incredibly acted, a wonderfully creepy story with a killer twist, before twists were a dime a dozen. If you haven’t seen this little gem, I highly reccomend it. It gets a 10/10 from me. Just wonderful.

This movie is currently on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂