Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Quiet Ones

The Quiet Ones
(2014) Jared Harris, Sam Claflin, Olivia Cooke, Erin Richards, Rory Fleck-Byrne, and Laurie Calvert

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I do love me a good haunting or possession story, so I was really looking forward to this film. So imagine my disappointment when I put this on and discovered it was one of the most boring possession films I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t scary at all, most of the characters are thoroughly unlikable jerks, and it just takes forever to get anywhere. It feels like a (bad) ripoff of Richard Matheson’s Hell House. Jared Harris is usually pretty good, but all I wanted to do is smack him upside the head (with a chair). And the constant smoking… ugh. I know it takes place in the 70’s, and it was a thing, but ugh. Even just seeing it onscreen disgusts me. I stopped the film about 25 minutes before it ended because I was tired and needed a nap, telling myself that I’d finish it some other time. Over a week later, and I still haven’t gotten around to it, nor do I feel the need to. Dull and pointless (and “based on a true story”, yeah right), it barely merits the 3/10 I gave it.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix UK, and is also on YouTube. But don’t say I didn’t warn you :-p

M.

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Mel’s 5 Second Review: At the Devil’s Door

At the Devil’s Door (also known as Home)
(2014) Catalina Sandino Moreno, Naya Rivera, Ashley Rickards, Mark Steger, and Ava Acres

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Pleasantly surprised by this one. I was just flipping through Netflix the other night, not sure what to watch, when on a whim, I decided to try this one out. I almost turned it off as soon as it started, but I’m glad I didn’t. The acting was surprisingly good for such an unknown cast and small production, which sadly doesn’t happen much. The story was quite interesting, and every time I thought I had it all figured out, something different happened. That also sadly doesn’t happen often. It’s a little slow at times, but the wait is well worth it, with some nice, creepy things a-happening. It’s not very scary as a whole, but there are some good suspenseful moments nonetheless. All in all, it gets a good 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Taking of Deborah Logan

The Taking of Deborah Logan
(2014) Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang, Ryan Cutrona, Anne Bedian, Brett Gentile, Jeremy DeCarlos, Tonya Bludsworth, and Julianne Taylor

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SPOILERS AHEAD

Let me start by stating that I had absolutely no intention of watching this film when I found out it was a found-footage style film. I can count on one hand the number of these films I’ve enjoyed, I just don’t see the appeal. They’re supposed to be more frightening since it’s “more real”, I guess, but really all it is is annoying. The shaky camera, especially when the characters are running (and they always do at some point), is nothing except nausea inducing. You can’t even see what’s happening. It’s a genre that has long over-stayed it’s welcome, and I for one will be happy to see it go away. Alright, so, this film. After reading a few reviews, here and on movie sites, saying how good it was, I decided to go ahead and give it a watch, fully expecting to turn it off halfway. And I have to admit, it was pretty good. Jill Larson turned in a marvelous and rather creepy performance as Deborah, which is good since the rest of the cast is pretty mediocre. It was a little slow in some parts, but it built good suspense, so that was ok. That was the good. Now the bad. The ending left much to be desired. It had everything I mentioned I hated about found footage films, and then some. Running, incoherent yelling, the camera light flicking on and off, the image snowing in and out, tons of static, and it lasted for a good 20 minutes. So that knocked a point off its score. The main film student, Mia, was painfully stupid sometimes, so that knocked off another point. And then there was the whole snake thing, culminating in that moronic head-eating scene, and that squeezed another point off. For a film that had been good and scary, that ending was very much a disappointment. But everything before that was quite impressive, enough that it still manages a score of 7/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix and, despite its problems, I still reccomend it. Enjoy!

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Jennifer’s Body

Jennifer’s Body
(2009) Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody, Kyle Gallner, Sal Cortez, Ryan Levine, Juan Riedinger, Chris Pratt, JK Simmons and Amy Sedaris

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Looking past Megan Fox’s “acting”, I actually quite enjoyed Jennifer’s Body. No, obviously, it’s not Shakespeare, but really, it wasn’t trying to be. This a story about a teenage girl who gets possessed by an evil spirit and starts eating the high school boys, for heaven’s sake. What on earth were you expecting? Taken as what it is, it’s quite a fun little film. The perfect popcorn flick. With the added bonus of a lot of eye candy. Seriously, where do all these kids come from? There were no Megan Fox’s or Amanda Seyfried’s, or Kyle Gallner’s even, in my high school! But I digress… So yeah, put your brain on pause, make a giant bowl of popcorn and give it a whirl. It’s a fun 7.5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Conjuring

The Conjuring
(2013) Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, Shanley Caswell, Hayley McFarland, Joey King, Mackenzie Foy, Kyla Deaver, Shannon Kook, John Brotherton and Joseph Bishara

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A little slow in some parts, this was nevertheless an excellent film. The acting, atmosphere and effects were all top notch, and the reliance on boo!scares were kept to a bare minimum. I don’t buy for a second that this is anywhere near to true, but it makes for a damned good film. There really isn’t anything else to say about this film, just that it’s great, and if you haven’t seen it, go! Go now! It gets 9.5/10, it’s darn near a perfect horror film.

I don’t think this film is currently on Netflix, but it’s well worth the price of a rental, or even the price of buying the dvd/blu-ray, so go track it down!

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Sinister

Sinister
(2012) Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance, Fred Dalton Thompson, James Ransone, Michael Hall D’Addario, Clare Foley and Nick King

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If you haven’t watched this, I highly recommend you do. Right now. Just drop what you’re doing and watch it. It was really good. Well acted, well written, awesomely atmospheric. Us horror fans are blessed that an actor of Ethan Hawke’s caliber loves doing horror films. The story is simple enough: a true crime writer moves his family into a house where the previous occupants were savagely murdered, and wouldn’t you know it, strange things start happening. But before you write this off as “just another ghost story”, think again. Very creepy, I give it a solid 9/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, and don’t turn out the lights!! hehe

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Evil Dead

Evil Dead
(2013) Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas, Liz Blackmore, Jim McLarty, Randal Wilson and Inca the Dog

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So, I’m not a fan of the original Evil Dead, or it’s sequel. Army of Darkness, on the other hand, I loved, but that’s off topic. I found the original silly at it’s best, and downright boring at it’s worst. Even the scenes that were supposed to shock got nothing more than a sigh and an eye-roll from me. So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to see this reboot. It was hard to tell from the previews if it was going to be as dumb as the original, so I decided to take a chance and saw it in the cinema. I’m glad I did. The story, what little there is, is basically unchanged. Five young people head to a cabin in the woods, they find a weird book, shit hits the fan. The difference is, this one is actually scary. It made my skin crawl at some points, and that’s not an easy thing to do. A solid 8/10.

The movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Possession

The Possession
(2012) Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Kyra Sedgwick, Madison Davenport, Natasha Calis, Grant Show, Jay Brazeau and Ned Bellamy

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Despite it being the kind of story that’s told over and over (and over), this one was really really good. The acting was top notch, the dialogue wasn’t corny or cheezy at all. I have to admit, though, a few times during the film I just thought to myself “Come on, Winchester, just salt and burn that bitch”, hehehe. I guess that’s the downside of playing such a well known character. In a fun little twist, we got treated to a Jewish exorcism instead of the traditional Catholic one, which is to say it was almost the same, just a little funnier (sorry, but it’s true :-p ) All in all, good story, good acting, good visuals, good film. I give it a solid 8.5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.