Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Quiet Ones

The Quiet Ones
(2014) Jared Harris, Sam Claflin, Olivia Cooke, Erin Richards, Rory Fleck-Byrne, and Laurie Calvert

quiet ones

I do love me a good haunting or possession story, so I was really looking forward to this film. So imagine my disappointment when I put this on and discovered it was one of the most boring possession films I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t scary at all, most of the characters are thoroughly unlikable jerks, and it just takes forever to get anywhere. It feels like a (bad) ripoff of Richard Matheson’s Hell House. Jared Harris is usually pretty good, but all I wanted to do is smack him upside the head (with a chair). And the constant smoking… ugh. I know it takes place in the 70’s, and it was a thing, but ugh. Even just seeing it onscreen disgusts me. I stopped the film about 25 minutes before it ended because I was tired and needed a nap, telling myself that I’d finish it some other time. Over a week later, and I still haven’t gotten around to it, nor do I feel the need to. Dull and pointless (and “based on a true story”, yeah right), it barely merits the 3/10 I gave it.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix UK, and is also on YouTube. But don’t say I didn’t warn you :-p

M.

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Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Dark

The Dark
(2005) Sean Bean, Maria Bello, Sophie Stuckey, Maurice Roëves, and Abigail Stone

dark

I actually had this one listed as “not interested” on Netflix. With the vague and uninteresting synopsis and the god-awful cover art, I had no intention of watching it. The style of the cover reminded me of those awful, older Italian horror films that some people love, lord knows why. But after reading Vinnie’s review, it actually sounded good, so I decided to go ahead and give it a try. And I have to say, I’m glad I did. It’s a strange little film, to be sure, and it took me a little while to know if I liked it or not, but in the end, I did. The acting is mostly good, except for the beginning of the film. I’m not sure what was going on, but everything for the first 5 minutes or so is awful. Really awful. In fact I almost turned the film off. But once Sean Bean appeared onscreen, it’s like the others realized they had to up their game around him. The basis of the film surrounds an old Welsh legend, something I’d never even heard of before, so it was fun to have no idea what was going on for a long time. It was more tense than scary, though, I’d have liked the fear factor to be upped a little. The ending was surprising and pretty awful. Not awful like bad, but awful as in abysmal. Not many movies these days go all out for such a dark end. It was also a little confusing, and seemed to get lost for a while, but really, that’s the only bad thing I have to say about this film. It gets a very good 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix UK. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Awakening

The Awakening
(2011) Rebecca Hall, Dominic West, Imelda Staunton, Isaac Hempstead Wright, Shaun Dooley, and Joseph Mawle

THE AWAKENING

Despite the good acting and atmospheric location, I couldn’t quite get into this film. It seemed, to me anyways, that it was just trying so hard to be dark and moody that it forgot about doing a lot of other stuff, like making us care for the characters. The lead actress just wasn’t very likable, nor was anyone else, for that matter. And, to be perfectly honest, it got a little confusing at times, especially around the end. Are they all dead? Are they all alive? Who can see who, and why? It just got a little too twisty turney for my liking. Reminded me of Demi Moore’s Half Light and that’s not really a good thing. Still, it had a decent story, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. It gets an average 6/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Ward

The Ward
(2010) Amber Heard, Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Laura-Leigh, Lyndsy Fonseca, Mika Boorem, Jared Harris, Susanna Burney, Dan Anderson, and Jillian Kramer

ward

A surprisingly good haunted asylum flick. It had been on my to-watch list ever since it arrived on Netflix, and I finally got around to watching it. I really wasn’t expecting all that much from it, so I was plesantly surprised when it turned out to be quite good. Strong acting all round, some good ideas, even a few scares make this movie fun to watch. The ending I found to be a bit of a cop out, but I didn’t figure it out until close to the end, so that’s saying something. All in all, it was a fun watch, and it gets a 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Haunting in Connecticut

The Haunting in Connecticut
(2009) Virginia Madsen, Kyle Gallner, Elias Koteas, Martin Donovan, Amanda Crew, Sophi Knight, Ty Wood, Erik Berg, John Bluethner, John B Lowe and DW Brown

The-Haunting-in-Connecticut

For a film with such a generic title, it was pretty darn good. Great story (that I don’t believe for a second is true, but that’s besides the point), great acting, great everything. Scary too. It’s strange sometimes the things that end up scaring you the most. I can watch lots of different kinds of horror and not be fazed, but every so often, one film comes along that just hits every nerve just right (or should that be just wrong?) But I’m glad I discovered it nonetheless. Now that I’m massively creeped out though, it’s time to watch a chick flick. Or a kid’s film. Or funny cats on YouTube. Anything to change my mind from those creepy freaking ghosts! hehe. I give it a great 8.5/10.

This film (and its sequel, which I still haven’t seen) is currently streaming on Netflix if you’re in the mood for a scary good time! Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dark House

Dark House
(2009) Jeffrey Combs, Meghan Ory, Diane Louise Salinger, Matt Cohen, Shelly Cole, Danso Gordon, Ryan Melander, Bevin Prince, Erin Cummings and Ian Reed Kesler

Dark_House

A campy, scary good time. Jeffrey Combs, even after all these years, is still awesome! The effects aren’t all that great, the acting is pretty shaky overall, but the story is interesting and, best of all, it’s got that late 80’s, early 90’s charm. Who says camp is dead?? Hehe 😀 A very fun 7.5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Innkeepers

The Innkeepers
(2011) Sara Paxton, Pat Healy, Kelly McGinnis, George Riddle and Brenda Cooney

innkeepers

Nice quiet horror film. Takes it’s time getting anywhere, but the ride is fun nonetheless. The acting is much better than I’d expected for such a low-budget indie film, and that was a pleasant surprise. I was hoping that it’d be scarier than it was (my heart-rate barely changed, hehe), but it was still a pleasant watch. I give it a solid 7/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dead Silence

Dead Silence
(2006) Ryan Kwanten, Donnie Wahlberg, Amber Valletta, Michael Fairman, Joan Heney, Judith Roberts, Bob Gunton and Julian Richings

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I bought this movie in the bargain bin for 5$. I didn’t actually think I’d enjoy it, seeing as how I’m terrified of dolls like this. However, it’s a surprisingly good movie. Made by the team who brought us Saw, Insidious, and The Conjuring, I should have known it would be scary. Scarier even than the dolls was the old woman. I couldn’t sleep that whole night until the sun came up. A sign of a job well done. A solid 7.5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Sinister

Sinister
(2012) Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance, Fred Dalton Thompson, James Ransone, Michael Hall D’Addario, Clare Foley and Nick King

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If you haven’t watched this, I highly recommend you do. Right now. Just drop what you’re doing and watch it. It was really good. Well acted, well written, awesomely atmospheric. Us horror fans are blessed that an actor of Ethan Hawke’s caliber loves doing horror films. The story is simple enough: a true crime writer moves his family into a house where the previous occupants were savagely murdered, and wouldn’t you know it, strange things start happening. But before you write this off as “just another ghost story”, think again. Very creepy, I give it a solid 9/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, and don’t turn out the lights!! hehe

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Unrest

Unrest
(2006) Corri English, Joshua Alba, Scot Davis, Jay Jablonski, Marisa Petroro and Derrick O’Connor

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To start with the obvious, the acting wasn’t great. The male lead wasn’t too bad, but the girl… yee. The story is interesting, yet very, very disorganized. Things just keep happening and the characters react in such a way that seems very… unhuman? I dunno. A roomful of doctors (and that psychologist in particular, where on earth she’d get her degree? Miskatonic U? jeez…) taking it at face-value that there’s an angry spirit in the hospital doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Even in a movie in which we’re actually talking about spirits to begin with. And that Aztec music, really, it was driving me nuts. So all in all, it had a few good scenes, but was mostly just a jumble of wtf. 5.5/10, the extra .5 of a point goes to the pretty boy.

The film is currently streaming on Netflix. There’s also a full version on YouTube, but it’s got (what looks like Vietnamese) subtitles.

 

M.