Top 15 Onscreen Witches

Back in May, I posted my Top 15 Onscreen Vampires, and the response I got was good enough that I decided to continue the “series”, this time ranking witches. I’ve picked characters from all over film and tv, both male and female. For the purposes of this article, I’ve described a witch as “a human who is born with or learns magic”. I’ve included some characters who aren’t necessarily called witches (or wizards) but who have magic, and I’ve left out those characters who, despite having magic, are not now, nor have they ever been, humans, like faeries, elves, angels, demons, etc. I’ve also chosen one single character per “world”, otherwise this list would end up being a mile long.

The witches aren’t in any order except alphabetical, and, as usual, spoiler alert!! And off we go! 🙂

 

Amanda Shelton, Simply Irresistible

Amanda

“I think I’ve loved you since that first day in the market.”
“You mean the day I had my hand up your pants? Men are so easy.”

Played by: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Born in: New York City, date unknown but the movie takes place in modern times.
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Good
Powers: With the help of a magical crab (yup, you read that right), Amanda becomes an extraordinary chef whose emotions go into her food, causing anything from laughter to tears to even floating on the ceiling.
Weaknesses: None but her own self-confidence (or lack thereof, rather).
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Bathsheba Sherman, The Conjuring

Bathsheeba

“She ran out to that tree by the dock, climbed up, proclaimed her love to Satan, cursed anyone who tried to take her land, and hung herself. Time of death was pronounced at 3:07 in the morning.”

Played by: Joseph Bishara
Born in: Rhode Island, 1812
Scary or sexy: Scary
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Telekinesis and possession of others
Weaknesses: Holy objects, exorcism and love.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Exorcised out of Carolyn by Ed.

 

Bavmorda, Willow

Bavmorda

“Why is it with my powers and the strength of my great army you cannot so much as find one… little… child?”

Played by: Jean Marsh
Born in: Nockmaar, date unknown
Scary or sexy: Scary (Jean Marsh is a handsome woman, but her character doesn’t stay attractive for very long).
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: All kinds of dark magic, from curses to transmogrification.
Weaknesses: Arrogance, white magic and lightning
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Willow tricks her into thinking he’s made little Elora disappear, and when she rushes towards him she knocks over all the components of her spell and is struck by lightning at the same time, sending her to the Netherworld she was planning on sending Elora to.

 

Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings trilogy / The Hobbit trilogy

Gandalf

“Never put it on, for then the agents of the Dark Lord will be drawn to its power. Always remember, Frodo, the Ring is trying to get back to its master. It wants to be found.”

Played by: Ian McKellan
Born in: I’m sure it’s mentioned somewhere when and where Gandalf was born, but in the interest of saving time, let’s just say he was born in Middle Earth, and leave it at that :-p
Scary or sexy: Neither, actually, but Sir Ian does cut a proud figure.
Good or evil: Good
Powers: Ability to conjure and control fire, control over water, spells and blessings, causing explosive blasts, conjure lightning, foresight abilities, some telepathic power, and the ability to communicate with animals.
Weaknesses: Trust in the wrong people, the Ring
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Hermione Granger (and pretty much everyone else in the series), Harry Potter octology
(*can I patent that word? I likes it! hehe)

Hermione

“No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn’t a good sign.”

Played by: Emma Watson
Born in: England, 1979
Scary or sexy: Sexy (once she came of age, naturally :-p )
Good or evil: Good
Powers: She can do almost anything by flicking her wand, brewing a potion, or hopping on a broomstick.
Weaknesses: Endless curiosity that could get her into trouble, habit of being a know-it-all, Ron Weasley.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

The Horned King, The Black Cauldron

Horned King

“Soon the Black Cauldron will be mine. Its evil power will course through my veins, and I shall make you Cauldron-born! Yes, yes. Oh, yes! Then you will worship me! Me! Oh, my soldiers. How long I have thirsted to be a god among mortal men.”

Played by: John Hurt
Born in: Prydain, date unknown
Scary or sexy: Scary
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Necromancy, all manners of dark magic
Weaknesses: Love and sacrifice, the Black Cauldron
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: When Gurgi sacrificed himself by jumping into the Cauldron, all of the Cauldron-born are sucked back into it, dragging the Horned King in with them.

 

Jareth, Labyrinth

Jareth

“I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave!”

Played by: David Bowie
Born in: Unknown
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Evil(ish)
Powers: Shape-shifting, slowing and speeding up time, master of illusions, some clairvoyance through his crystals, the ability to conjure things from nothing.
Weaknesses: Arrogance, Sarah
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Lamia, Stardust

Lamia

“You shall not see the star, touch it, smell or hear it. You will not perceive her even if she stands before you. Pray you never meet me again.”

Played by: Michelle Pfeiffer
Born in: Kingdom of Stormhold, date unknown but she and her sisters are described as ‘centuries old’.
Scary or sexy: Both
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Pretty much anything, from transfiguration to conjuration and the animation of dead bodies.
Weaknesses: Love
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: With Tristan in her arms, Yvaine lets her love for him shine, and her pure light disintegrates Lamia.

 

Melisandre, Game of Thrones

Melisandre

“Death is coming for everyone and everything. A darkness that will swallow the dawn.”

Played by: Carice van Houten
Born in: Asshai, year unknown
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: I think the character was meant to be more ambiguous than straight good or evil, but mo matter what good comes from helping Stannis is deeply over-shadowed by the horrible things she does. In her case, the ends don’t justify the means, and burning folks alive is just plain evil.
Powers: Clairvoyance, dark magic, giving “birth” to shadow demons, immunity to (at least some) poisons.
Weaknesses: Arrogance, religious fanaticism
Alive at the end?: As of where I am in the show (end of season 3), yes. I’ve read all the books, but I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t read yet, or who are waiting after the show.
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Merlin, various films and tv shows

Merlin

“I’m gone, but then, I’m not gone. So if I do leave, you can never be sure that I am gone, can you?”

Played by: Various actors, including Karl Swenson, Sam Neill, Joseph Fiennes, and Colin Morgan
Born in: England, date unknown
Scary or sexy: He’s not scary, but usually he’s portrayed as an old man, so he’s not really sexy either.
Good or evil: Good
Powers: Various or none, depending which movie or show you’re watching, but they can range from everything from transforming himself into animals, to casting illusions, and much more.
Weaknesses: Again depends on the film, but he’s often shown as having had trusted the wrong people, and is betrayed.
Alive at the end?: In everything I’ve seen him in, yes.
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Winifred Sanderson (and her sisters), Hocus Pocus

Sanderson sisters

“My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallow’s Eve, when the moon is round, a virgin will summon us from under the ground. We shall be back, and the lives of all the children of Salem will be mine!”

Played by: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy
Born in: Salem. They were executed in 1693, but it’s unclear how long they’d been alive before then. I’m assuming a lot.
Scary or sexy: Neither. They’re pretty funny-looking, actually.
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Various dark magic spells, including transforming children into animals, cursing hundreds of people at once, and sucking out the life-force of children to keep their youth.
Weaknesses: Hanging, fire, holy ground
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: While trying to suck out Max’s essence, the witches accidentally end up on hallowed ground, and the first rays of dawn’s light disintegrates them.

 

Sally and Gillian Owens, Practical Magic

Sally & Gillian

“Witch! Witch! You’re a bitch! Witch! Witch! You’re a bitch!”
“You’d think after three hundred years they’d come up with a better rhyme!”

Played by: Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman
Born in: The States (not sure which one), exact date unknown, but I imagine it was some time in the 70’s.
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Good
Powers: Love spells, healing spells, some clairvoyance, and many other spells.
Weaknesses: A long standing family curse that any man who loves an Owens woman will die young.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Ursula, The Little Mermaid

Ursula

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I can’t stand it! It’s too easy! The child is in love with a human! And not just any human. A prince! [laughs] Her daddy’ll love that. King Triton’s headstrong, lovesick girl would make a charming addition to my little garden.

Played by: Pat Carroll
Born in: Atlantica, year unknown
Scary or sexy: Scary
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Various dark spells, the ability to turn merfolk (including herself) into humans (or better looking merfolk), able to see whatever her familiars see, no matter the distance.
Weaknesses: None save arrogance, and, I guess, being impaled :-p
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: After growing to an enormous size, Eric is able to steer the ship right towards her, and the broken mast goes right through her breast as she’s struck by lightning. She wraps her huge tentacles around the broken ship, and sinks to the ocean floor, dead.

 

The Warlock, Warlock and Warlock: The Armageddon

Warlock

“Of all the curiosities here I’ve seen, none have surprised me more than this.”

Played by: Julian Sands
Born in: Boston, year unknown (he was slated to be executed in 1691 when he escaped to the present time, but it’s unknown how old her really is).
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Dark curses, flight, jumping through time, and more.
Weaknesses: Nails pounded into his foot prints, salt
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Kassandra injects him full of salt water, and he bursts into flames. He is reborn in the sequel, but is vanquished again, this time being stabbed by a knife made from the same material as the Holy Grail.

 

Willow Rosenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow

“I’ll give Xander a call. What’s his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-I’m-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.”
“Meow!”
“Really? Thanks! I’ve never gotten a ‘meow’ before.”

Played by: Alyson Hannigan
Born in: Sunnydale California, 1981
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Good (except for a handful of episodes in season 6)
Powers: Pretty much everything one can think of.
Weaknesses: Addiction to the magics, fear of going bad again, Tara
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

And here, a few honourable mentions:

The Grand High Witch (The Witches)
Sarah and Nancy (The Craft)
Mombi (Return to Oz)
Lady van Tassell (Sleepy Hollow)
Aleesa (Silent Hill)
Claudia Hoffman (Snow White: A Tale of Terror)
Yzma (The Emperor’s New Groove)

And that’s my witchy list!! Which witch is your favourite? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more! 🙂

M.

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Monstrous Couples

So, I know I’m late. I was planning on doing this post on Valentine’s day, but then I didn’t and I kept putting it off, lazing about, but I’ve decided I’m in the mood to do it now, so better late than never, I suppose, hehe.

I can’t honestly say Valentine’s day is a huge thing for me. My husband will usually bring me flowers or chocolate, or maybe we’ll go out for dinner (or order in if I’m not well enough to go out), but that’s as far as it goes, and we don’t end up doing anything I’m not overly bothered about it. That’s not to say I don’t like romance. I do. But, generally speaking, what I may find romantic isn’t necessarily what any one else would. So I’ve decided to compile a list of, shall we say, unconventional romances, both from film and tv, and maybe even books. I’ll see how this post shapes out. I’ve only got a basic idea of what I’m doing here. The actual content I’m making up on the fly. I’m going to focus on non-humans. So, no matter how dysfunctionally romantic you are, if you’re all the way human, you won’t make the list. I may include some couples with one human in it. I haven’t decided yet. But I’ll try to not make the entire list vampires, ok? hehe. Let’s get this show on the road, and see who pops up. Obviously, they’re in no particular order. And, also obviously, there will be spoilers.

 

Spike and Drusilla, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Image

“Do you love my insides, the parts you can’t see?”
“Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.”

Spike (aka William the Bloody) and Drusilla were introduced in Buffy‘s season 2 as an already established couple. They blew into town looking to raise a little hell (and find a cure for the ailing Dru). They may have been soulless, murderous monsters, but they loved each other more than life itself, and had been together for over 100 years when they arrived in Sunnydale. Unfortunately, things started to go south for the pair once Dru got her strength back, and Spike was temporarily incapacitated. With Angelus back on their side, Dru got taken in by his schemes, and once all the dust settled, we find out that she left him for good. Spike and his broken heart came limping back to Sunnydale, looking for pay back. He found a whole lot more than that, but that’s another story.

 

Mike and Celia, Monsters Inc

Image

“Me and you, you and me, both of us, together!!”

Just because you’re a monster, that doesn’t mean you have to be evil. There’s no better proof of this than with Mike and Celia, two of the cast of lovable monsters from the Pixar hit Monsters Inc. While getting ready for work, Mike reveals to his best friend, Sully, that “she’s the one!”, proving that even monsters can find love, no matter how green they are :-p After a horrifying evening at their favourite sushi place, Celia is ready to break things off with Mike for good, but once she realizes what’s going on, she forgives him everything immediately, and does everything she can to help. You get em, Googly Bear!

 

Chucky and Tiffany, Bride of Chucky / Seed of Chucky

Image

“Have you got a rubber?”
“Have I got a rubber? Tiff, look at me. I’m ALL rubber.”

I’m not a fan of the Chucky films, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include these two in this list. While they both started out completely human, some weird mojo worked after death turned them both into creepy, living dolls. Who go on to have creepy doll sex, and Tiffany to give creepy doll birth to a creepy doll kid. The first Chucky film is the only one with any genuine (although very few) scares, once Tiffany came around (in film four, I think it was), any dignity the franchise had was long gone, and the gag was played for every cheap thrill it could. Still, they love each other (only lord knows why), and that’s why they’re here.

 

R and Julie, Warm Bodies

Image

“There’s a lot of ways to get to know a person. Eating her dead boyfriend’s brains is one of the more unorthodox methods, but…”

So I’m kinda stretching a little here, since R and Julie aren’t a couple (yet), but this definitely deserves a spot on this list anyways. R is a zombie, but after he eats the brain of her boyfriend, he gets his memories of Julie, including the romantic feelings. The moment he sees her, his dead heart starts to slowly beat, and the world will forever change (again) because of it. How many others can say their love helped heal the world?

 

Caleb and Mae, Near Dark

Image

“What’ll we do now?”
“Anything we want… to the end of time.”

When Mae first meets Caleb, all she’s interested in is getting a bite. But the two have an immediate connection, and she decides to turn him into a vampire, instead of just killing him. She takes him home to meet her “family”, where he’s given an ultimatum: make a kill within the week, or you’ll be the one on the menu. At first he decides to try their life style, but after realizing that he can’t kill, he and Mae run off together, with her family in hot pursuit. Come what may, Caleb and Mae will face it together, even if it means dying together.

 

Navarre and Isabeau, Ladyhawke

Image

“Do you know that hawks and wolves mate for life? The Bishop didn’t even leave us that… not even that.”

Stupidly romantic, Ladyhawke is one of the most under-rated fantasy films of all time. Navarre and Isabeau are deeply in love. But the Bishop of Aquila, evil and corrupt, lusts after her as well. When his advances are spurned, he turns to the dark arts, swearing that if he can’t have her, neither will Navarre. He curses them, her to be a hawk during the day and herself at night, he to be a wolf at night and himself during the day. Always together, forever apart. The curse can only be broken if the two of them stand before the Bishop, both in human form.

 

Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun, The Mummy / The Mummy Returns

imhotep ancksunamun

 

“Thebes, City of the Living. Crown jewel of Pharaoh Seti the First. Home of Imhotep, Pharaoh’s high priest, keeper of the dead. Birthplace of Anck Su Namun, Pharaoh’s mistress. No other man was allowed to touch her. But for their love, they were willing to risk life itself.”

Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun are the ultimate example of “star-crossed lovers”. Being the Pharaoh’s priest, he was already forbidden to love, but to love the Pharaoh’s mistress on top of it all, you just know things will not end well for these two. To escape the Pharaoh’s clutches, the two conspire to kill him and run. Unfortunately, they got caught before they could flee. Anck-Su-Namun, confident that Imhotep will be able to resurrect her using the book of the dead, commits suicide instead of being caught by the guards. Imhotep was not so lucky, and was mummified alive, cursed for all eternity. When he’s finally able to get free of his box, his only thought is to get to the City of the Dead, Hamunaptra, where he will be able to resurrect his lover.

 

Dracula and Mina, Dracula (pick one, any one :-p )

dracula mina

 

“You are my love, and my life, always.”
“Then, I give you life eternal. Everlasting love. The power of the storm. And the beasts of the earth. Walk with me to be my loving wife, forever.”

So, of course this pair had to be on this list. It’s only the most romantic horror story of all time. I’ve chosen a picture and quote from the 1992 version, but really, any one will do. While some of the other details in the story change in each film, the core, Dracula and Mina’s love, is always the same. The small details may vary film to film, but Mina is generally the reincarnation of Dracula’s human love, from centuries ago, when he was still a human himself. When he travels to England to find her, she finds herself falling for him as well, despite the fact that she’s engaged to be married. Love transcends all, even time.

 

Eric and Shelly, The Crow

eric and shelly

 

“Little things used to mean so much to Shelly- I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial.”

Eric and Shelly were happy and in love, to be married on Halloween night. But, horrendously, the day before their wedding, their apartment is broken into by some dangerous and evil criminals, who rape Shelly and beat her to within an inch of her life, and, when Eric comes home to find the scene, they throw him out the window. He dies instantly on impact, but Shelly lingers in pain for 30 hours before finally succumbing. Exactly one year later, Eric Draven crawls out of his grave to deal vengeance out to those that killed him and Shelly. Once his task is complete, he collapses on Shelly’s grave, where she appears to take him home. As if the story wasn’t sad enough, actor Brandon Lee tragically died while filming the movie, when a gun being used on set was accidentally filled with real bullets instead of blanks.

 

HellBoy and Liz, HellBoy

hellboy liz

 

“In the dark I heard your voice, what did you say?”
“I said, ‘Hey, you, on the other side – let her go. Because for her I will cross over, and then you’ll be sorry!'”

I suppose a more perfect match couldn’t be made. She’s pyrokinetic, and still has some troubles controlling it. Which means having a lover who won’t get burned when you accidentally lose your shit is a very good thing. He was brought over from Hell when he was just a baby, but thankfully he fell into the kind hands of young Broom, instead of the Nazis, and was raised to be good. Broom cares for a handful of “special” humanoids, and one of them is the fiery Liz, with whom HellBoy becomes instantly smitten. After fighting back Hell itself, they finally kiss, both literally engulfed in the flames of their passion.

Honourable mentions:
Vastra and Jenny, Doctor Who
Eric and Sookie, True Blood
Michael and Selene, Underworld
Shrek and Fiona, Shrek trilogy
Edward and Bella, Twilight series (I suppose I have to at least mention them)
Jake and Neytiri, Avatar
Sam and Molly, Ghost
Jack and Sally, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed making it. Have a happy belated Valentines Day, all you romantic horror and fantasy fans out there!! ❤

M.