Mel’s 10 Things About… Poltergeist

Poltergeist
(2015) Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt, Kennedi Clements, Jared Harris, Kyle Catlett, Jane Adams, Saxon Sharbino, Susan Heyward, Nicholas Braun

poltergiest-2015

 

{SPOILERS INCOMING}
1. The beginning was really slow, and really boring. *yawn*
2. There were one or two good scenes, but on the whole the acting was pretty terrible.
3. Are we meant to believe that a poor family, with neither parent working, can buy a house? Especially one of that size? “Bad neighbourhood” my ass! Film-makers seem to have no concept of what bad neighbourhoods really look like. Poor people don’t buy big houses, they get crappy little apartments. Why make them poor, anyways? It added nothing to the story.
4. The film got better as time went one, but really, that’s not saying much.
5. There was also nothing scary about the film. Every time they tried to scare, I found it funny.
6. The only part that was even a little scary was the toy clown scene. Cause yeah, I hate clowns.
7. Considering that almost everything else is identical, why change the family’s names? Oh, cause the kids had to have “cool” modern names like Madison and Griffin. Ugh.
8. The only thing remotely interesting in the film was the depiction of the “other side”, even though the bad CGI made it look like a video game.
9. Carrigan’s last moments and sacrifice were made meaningless by the fact that he didn’t stay dead, which they said many times during the film would happen should anyone living go to the light.
10. Now to compare it to the original for a bit. The story was all there, but it simply didn’t have the interest-holding power of the original. The family was so obnoxious that I really didn’t care what happened to them. Why did they turn Tangina into a dude?? I think this pissed me off the most, even though I generally do like Jared Harris. And making him a ghost hunter on tv just added to the level of obnoxiousness that was already pretty high. So… no, I didn’t like this film.

3/10

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Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Blair Witch Project

The Blair Witch Project
(1999) Heather Donahue, Michael Williams and Joshua Leonard

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The Blair Witch Project was brilliant in so many ways. It was well thought out, a great idea, well marketed and groundbreaking. That being said, I hated it. I don’t know if I would have liked it more had I seen it not knowing it was fake. I sat there watching, waiting, hoping it would get better, and when it ended with never having done anything, I threw my remaining popcorn at the tv. I’ve seen a a lot of horror films in my day. Like A LOT. And not many of them bored me quite as much as Blair Witch did. We also have this film to thank for the ever-increasing amount of found-footage films being made. So thanks so much!! That was sarcasm, in case you missed it. These films need to stop. No, really, we’ve had enough. 1/10, only for the cool way it was marketed.

I think the film is on Netflix, but I’m not 100% sure. Go check for yourself if you’re interested :-p

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Cujo

Cujo
(1983) Dee Wallace, Danny Pintauro, Daniel Hugh Kelly, and Christopher Stone

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Cujo, the book, was awesome and scary and tense. A brilliant read. Cujo, the movie, bored me to tears. I almost fell asleep. When the majority of what’s written in the book is happening inside the character’s head, that’s a good indication that it probably won’t be a great movie. It was 93 minutes long, but it felt like 3 hours. If I’m lucky, I won’t ever have to watch this again. 1/10, and that’s just because I love Stephen King.

This film is not streaming on Netflix, but I imagine that you could rent it in a real video store, if you care to be bored.

Oh, here, I found the full film on YouTube… in German. It may be better like that. Enjoy ;-p

 

M.